When It Rains
by judejcob
Summary: After a death in the family, the group deals with their grief. / deathfic. deals heavily with death and suicide. do not read if you are triggered by that. oneshot.


Hey! I think it's appropriate to add in a little pre story note. This is a one shot inspired by the song When It Rains by Paramore, so listening to that while you read might help you get in the mood. It will have small little inserts of the lyrics in here, but pretty much just sentences, so please don't get on my case about the rules or whatever. Nevertheless, enjoy!

* * *

**_And when it rains..._**

_The happy morning the Fosters were having would be the last happy morning for a long time._

_The diverse family was used to bad things happening to them. Lots of things had happened in the span of a year; Stef was shot, Callie lost a rape trial, Mariana and Jesus's mom robbed them, Brandon moved into his dad's house...  
_

_But nothing like this had ever happened to them._

_Looking back, Callie wished she had been more prepared. She wished she had sensed something, so it wasn't as much of a shock- but she knows that even if she had suspected it, she would have been just as horrified. _

_But that happy morning, after that happy breakfast, Callie walked up the stairs, opened the door to her room, and screamed._

**_You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole, and convinced yourself that it's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore..._**

_Callie had seen so many things in her life, but none of them felt as terrible as this. Her heart hurt, her head hurt, she couldn't breathe. Callie, in that moment, had forgotten how._

_Jesus came running from his room, and Emma followed, holding Jude and his friend back from whatever had made Callie scream. Jesus was paralyzed at the sight. Callie had broken down; she was on her knees, sobbing, tears streaming down her face. Jesus wanted to comfort her, he wanted a distraction, but he couldn't stop staring at the body hanging from the ceiling fan._

_"Mariana," he whispered, eyes wide._

_Stef and Lena came running up the stairs, worried looks on their faces. Screaming and crying was not a good way to start the day. "Babies? Is everybody alright?"_

_Emma was the only one able to speak. "You might not want to look." That was all she had to say to set the parents off. They ran forward, pushing Callie and Jesus aside. Gasping, Stef brought a hand up to her mouth. "Oh my god," Lena muttered. "She's dead."_

**_No, oh, how could you do it? No, I never saw it coming..._**

_Jude and Connor sat on the floor of Jude's half of the room, pretending to be interested in their game of Monopoly. The two of them had been told to stay in the room by Emma, Jesus' girlfriend. They played quietly, and the only sound was the dice hitting the board. Finally, Connor broke the silence. "What do you think is going on out there?"_

_Jude paused, setting his __game piece down. "I'm not sure. Something bad."_

_Connor raised his eyebrows, wishing nothing more than to know how his best friend was feeling. Bad things always seemed to happen to him and his new family- his new family was one of the only good things that had ever seemed to happen to Jude. He hated knowing that all those terrible things- beatings, negligence, separation- had happened to his friend, but when it came up in the conversations, Connor listened. He knew he had to be there for Jude. "Why do you say that?"_

_"Callie's crying out there, so obviously it's pretty bad."_

_"Someone call 911!" _

_That seemed to prove Jude's theory that whatever was going on was bad. Jude perked up, staring out of the crack in the door, waiting for something. Anything. But nobody came for him. "Someone must be-"_

_"It's pointless!" Jude heard Jesus scream. Connor stared at the expression on Jude's face, hoping whatever Jesus was about to say wasn't as bad as Connor expected it to be. "She's dead. 911 can't do anything about that."_

_The expression on Jude's face changed from curiosity to anger. Jude stood up and began heading for the door, looking tense. Connor stood up as well, following him, reaching out to grab his friend's arm. "Jude, wait-" but he couldn't stop him. Jude flung open the door and ran out into the hallway, appalled at the sight. Emma was holding on to Jesus as he cried, and Callie was collapsed on the floor in tears. His moms were holding onto each other, visibly trying to stay strong in front of their remaining children. _

_Callie sat up, wiping her eyes. As she brought her hand up to her face, she caught Jude's eye. "Baby..."_

_"Is she dead?" Jude said gruffly, staring at his family in front of him. If Callie and his moms were there, that only left one person. "Is Mariana dead?"_

_Callie stood up shakily, opening her arms for her brother. "Baby, come here-"_

_Jude ran forward, looking through the open door at the sight. He froze when he saw his sister, the first person to accept him, hanging from the ceiling with a note pinned to her jacket._

_He ran for the bathroom, ignoring Callie's cries for him. Connor approached the broken family as Jude slammed the door shut. _

**_Just running away, from all the ones who love you... and everything._**

_Jude entered the bathroom, tears silently streaming down his face. He didn't know what he was doing in there. He just didn't know what else to do. He looked around the room, his hands grabbing fistfuls of his hair. He couldn't stop remembering how Mariana never made fun of him, how she always smiled at him, how she encouraged him when he thought he had a crush on Connor. Even with his moms, they had doubts about his sexuality, and it didn't help him at all. Mariana was the only one who was always there for him. And now he could never have that. He loved Mariana, and now there was nothing more to love. His eye caught sight of a bottle of his famous blue nail polish sitting on the counter. The same nail polish that Mariana had used on his and her own fingernails just the night before. Stepping forward, he wrapped his hands around it and, with all his might, tossed it to the relished at the sight of the broken glass and blue all over the white floor. He backed up, hitting the wall, and stared at his own work. His breath hitched as the door creaked open and he met Stef's eyes._

_She didn't look disappointed._

_She understood._

_He tried to catch his breath, but he was panting hard. Jude reached a hand up to wipe a tear from his eye, and then looked back down at the mess. He gulped, and spoke._

_"I'm sorry about that."_

_**I need the ending.**  
_

_Two hours later, Callie had locked herself up in her moms' room, sitting on their bed in silence. Jude sat in his room with Connor, not speaking to anybody. Anybody. He hadn't said a word since the bathroom incident. Jesus was on his bed with Emma, talking about anything they could talk about to forget._

_Callie was taking it especially hard. Mariana was, pretty much, her best friend. Besides Jude and Wyatt, Callie didn't have people she could really talk to- Mariana was that person. Now she would have to sleep in her room, alone. She honestly didn't even know if she'd be able to enter that place anymore, not after seeing what she had saw. So she locked herself in her mothers' room, not allowing anybody in. Not even Jude- not like he asked, anyway._

_She finally agreed to let somebody in, so, still crying, she reached over and grabbed the home phone. Callie punched in her boyfriend's number, sniffing loudly._

_"Hello?" Wyatt's voice brought some comfort to her, but she didn't think anybody could make her feel really happy right then. "Callie, are you okay?" Her crying must have been louder than she had previously thought. "Callie, talk to me."_

_"She's dead."_

_"What? Do you want me to come over there?"_

_"Yes. Please. Hurry."_

_Callie quickly hung up the phone and collapsed back on the bed._

_A few moments later, there was a knock on her door. "Callie, baby, it's me, Wyatt. Let me in." Callie pushed herself from the bed and walked over to the door, slowly cracking it open. She stared at Wyatt, who gave her a soft smile. Callie opened the door all the way and fiercefully wrapped her arms around her boyfriend, burying her face in his shoulder. "Mariana's dead," she finally said, her voice slightly muffled from the fabric of his jacket._

_"I know," he said, kissing her on the side of her neck gently. "Your moms told me. I'm so sorry, Callie, I'm so sorry." He pulled back and kissed her softly. _

_Callie pulled him into the room. She needed a distraction, and she knew her moms wouldn't make her keep the door open on that day._

**_And you'll sleep 'til May, and you'll say that you don't wanna see the sun anymore..._**

_Emma bit her lip. Jesus was a mess. At any other time, she would have made fun of him for crying, but she couldn't then. She loved him too much for that. "I'm so sorry."_

_"I hate her."_

_Emma's expression softened, and she tightened her grip on his hand. "No, you don't. You love her. She loved you."_

_Jesus turned to look at her, shaking his head. "No, she didn't. Why would she do this to us? Why would she do this to me?"_

_"I don't know, Jesus, I don't know. I can't tell you want Mariana was thinking. But I know she loved you, and I know you love her, present tense."_

_"She never even got to go to that One Direction concert," Jesus muttered, chuckling softly. Emma giggled and wrapped her arm around her boyfriend, kissing him on his cheek, on his lips, everywhere. _

**_Why can't you stay just long enough to explain?_**

_With all of their kids dealing with their grief in their own ways, moms were stuck in the living room to figure it out for themselves. "Why?" Lena finally spit out, having finally quit trying not to cry. It was pointless. Her kids had seen her cry before._

_Stef shook her head, pulling her wife closer to her as they sat on the sofa. "I don't know, baby, I don't know." Stef paused, swallowing hard. Tears streamed down her face as the memories flooded her head: handing her a lollipop in the station, the day the two first met; teaching her to ride a bike; holding her first sleepover birthday party; mama sandwiches throughout the years; her quinceanera. Stef broke down, melting in her partner's waiting arms. "I miss her."_

_The two of them sat there for hours, holding each other, and pretending to deal with themselves. They would never deal._

**_Take your time..._**

Mariana took a deep breath as she opened her eyes, staring at the rope she had fastened onto the ceiling fan. She couldn't let that fantasy happen. Looking from the rope to the messy, tear streaked note in her hand, Mariana shook her head. _No. _Mariana took the note in her hands, ripping it to shreds and tossing it in the wastebasket. She then pulled the rope from the fan, stepped off the chair, and shook her head again. _Not today, _she thought.

Not today.

_**Take my time...**  
_


End file.
